My Sister

My Sister

~~DISCLAIMER~~

This post if really just a vent:

 My sister was fucking bitch to me from the moment she found out I was pregnant until last Sunday when she told me she was pregnant. My son is 16 month and 4 weeks old.  

1.       She never said congratulations, she instead bitched about the way I told her I was pregnant. Mr. P announced it when we were BOTH sitting side by side (he and I) on skype. She felt it should have come out of my mouth.

2.       Oh, and it wasn’t right of me to wait until I was 13 weeks to tell her.

3.       When I called to tell her I was having a boy (first in our family) her response “I know, dad already told me”.  Again, not congrats, not I’m happy for you, NOTHING.

4.       Anytime I talked to her when I was pregnant, she NEVER asked me how I was doing, or how the pregnancy was –

5.       She did fly in to come to by baby shower  - which was weird – but she never gave me my gift. She didn’t bring it to the baby shower, and instead left in the baby’s closet and I FOUND it after she left. She never told me she got it for me.

6.       Once LC arrived, she didn’t call me for a few months, and when she would call she wouldn’t ask about him.

During this process, I started to appease her, and I wouldn’t bring up my pregnancy when I talked to her, and I never really brought up LC on the phone after he was born. Occasionally she would mention him, but I never did it first. Starting about January, I started to send out a lot of text pics of LC to my sisters and mom. One day I got a text from her stating something to the effect of why was it that  every time she text me I wouldn’t acknowledge what she said, but I would instead reply with a pic of my kid.

I almost fainted when I read that. I only sent pics of LC out in group messages, and I would never send them as a response. Just if I took a pic, I would send it. ANYTIME she sent out a group message or sent me an individual message, I would and do respond if a response appears warranted. In fact in the prior week, I could (and at the time did) look back at my phone and see two LENGTHY conversations between the two of us. One just her and I about her TTC process, and the other was a group message (that I was the only one responding to) about how she was dying from a cold.

So, now that she is pregnant, I guess everything is kosher. She has sent out three text messages today alone about her pregnancy. I am fine with her being pregnant. I am happy for her because I know how badly she wanted this. That is not my problem. My problem is that when she really hurt me when I was pregnant. She knew how hard we had tried and all that we had done (the IUIs and IVFs). She treated my son as if he didn’t exist and for me, the straw that broke the camel’s back was the text she sent me in January.

After that, I basically stopped talking to her. I had no room in my life for someone who couldn’t acknowledge my son. He had done nothing to her and I determined it to be her loss. Now that she is pregnant and she knows about our two losses, I don’t want her to think that I’m distant because I’m jealous because I’m not jealous of her, or her situation. The reality is, that our relationship just isn’t magically fixed because YOU got pregnant. She REALLY hurt me. I tried to explain this to her when I was pregnant, and she just didn’t get it. I started to let it go then, but I was done after January. I don’t feel bad because I have thought about this long and hard. I have decided that if we weren’t sisters, this is not someone I would choose to have in my life.

She has been trying to have a baby for years. She tried for a long time with her last boyfriend, and she had been trying with her husband for over a year – as I said, I am not jealous of her or her situation. When she called to tell me she was pregnant, you would think she would have been over the moon with joy and excitement. Instead she bitched for 90% of the time we were on the phone about any and everything. Really, what the fuck are you complaining about!? Be happy. Be happy that you have what you have desired for so long. Who the fuck cares that your FIL told the family, who cares that there are people in your work parking lot sunbathing, who cares that your MIL got out a bassinet? YOUR PREGNANT after YEARS of trying! She is just such a negative person and I don’t want to be around that.

We grew up in a very negative house, and I have a tendency to be negative also. I don’t want to be that way anymore. I don’t want LC to grow up looking at the glass as half empty. I don’t want him to think that his mother is a negative nancy.

So, my vent is basically over. My only problem now is that I don’t know how to move forward with her. I don’t want her to think that I’m avoiding her or talking to her because she’s pregnant and I’m not. In fact, if she would take the time to look back at phone records, she would see that we haven’t talked/texted very often since January and that nothing has changed. I just know that she is not going to see it that way. She is selfish and she is going to see it as I’m mad because she has what I don’t.

For me that is NOT the case. Two of my other sisters have also become pregnant and had babies during my struggles to have my first. I was for them, and I am for her, truly excited. I have never once acted funny towards them because they were pregnant and I wasn’t. Before I found out T was pregnant I did jokingly say to U that T shoudn’t be selfish and have another one when I needed one, but I was kidding.

Last part of my vent.

When S – the sister this is about, told me she was pregnant she said that I was the last to find out because someone had told her about my MC and that they didn’t think I would take the news well. When she told my mom that, my mom told her (according to her) that she didn’t think it would bother me. My mom was right. What happens in someone else’s UTE does NOT affect what happens in mine. I am smart enough to know that. However, when I told U I was pregnant, U told me that her first thought was that she didn’t think S would take it well.

This furthers my belief that S acted the way she did when I was pregnant because she was jealous, and that is why everything is okay now, because she is having her baby. Unfortunately, the damage is done, and everything is not okay.