Saturday, February 26, 2011


It is 3:22pm and I am still waiting on our Fert Report. I honestly think I am about to lose my shit! I do not understand what the fuck is taking so long. Of course my mind goes straight to negativeville and I'm sure that there is something wrong and that is why we haven't been called. That the clinic has the wrong number so they can't get a hold of us. Something! There must be something wrong because there is no way that it would take this long to call us and give us our report. Seriously!! Why haven't they called yet? Seriously, what if they have the wrong number and I don't hear from them tomorrow and then I find out on Monday that we have to do a 3 day transfer? I won't have any time to get things taken care of for being off work, I wouldn't even know till around 9 am because that's when there office opens and that would be the first time I could call them. Seriously, I am freaking out here. If this was a week day, we are instructed to call by 10 am if we haven't heard. So, why is it because it's Saturday that I have to wait till the end of the day to hear something. UGH!! I am so frustrated.

Friday, February 25, 2011

We had our Egg Retrieval Today

We had our egg retrieval! It was a lot different than I expeted it would be, in fact, the last two days were a lot different than I expected them to be. Wednesday night Mr. P gave me my HCG injection. To say that I was nervous about him injecting me would be an understatement. First, I am afraid of needles and the HCG injection needle is a big one. Second, the one time that Mr. P did an injection on me, it appeared that he was trying to jab the needle in. It scared me! So, after my US on Wednesday, I had the nurse mark the injection site, at 8:30 we watched the injection video three times, and aroud 9:10pm I sat on an ice pack. at 9:15 Mr. P did the injection, and I couldn't feel a thing. When I could see him pushing in the plunger I asked him if the needle was all the way in and he said yes. That was shock number one.

Last night came shock number 2. Honestly, I can't really say that it came last night, but I think I was in denial about it prior to last night. When we first got our instructions about the retrieval it clearly stated that the night before the retrieval that I needed to have an enema, and that I had to douche. As long as I have read post on online message boards about IVF I had never heard of that part. Nobody once mentioned doing an enema or douching. In fact, I didn't even know they still made douches. I finally came to the determination that one of the RE's at the R.I.V.F.& A.C must have been shit on during a procedure and this was their solution to that problem.
So, last night we went to CVS to pick up the Fleet Enema and then to Target to get the douche. When we got home I had to brace myself for what was to come. Mr. P had me get ready and then he gave me the enema. Then, you have to stay in the position that it is injected in till you get the urge to go. As if getting the enema wasn't embarrassing enough, he decided to hang around and wait for it to work. REALLY!!
So, last night I spent about an hour in the "water room".
So the surprise today? That the egg retrieval was not near as bad as I thought it would be. This morning I was so uncomfortable and in quite a bit of pain. In fact, I've been really uncomfortable for the past three days. I started feeling ovary pain pretty bad Monday night that would come and go, but this morning there was no relief. I was in pain. We got to the center and everything went pretty smoothly. One embarrassing thing though is that I guess when I woke up from the procedure I asked if I could take Frankie home with me.  Fra.nk S is our anathes. (i can't spell) and is like 60 years old. When I found out I said that, I was slightly embarrassed.
Overall all though the procedure went really well. They were able to get out 17 eggs and tomorrow we will find out how many were mature and how many fertilized. I am so nervous and scared all at the same time. This IVF has been crazy and I really don't want to do this again. Obviously we would, but I really don't want to. This has just been a crazy rollercoaster that I feel is just reaching the point where you go through all the thrills. We still have to wait for our fert report, find out what day our transfer is, find out what we are transferring, and do our two week wait. I am scared! Honestly, this year has been a whirlwind and I don't really know how much I can handle.

Friday, February 18, 2011

First Monitoring Appt

I had my first monitoring appointment today. I was quite pleased with how the appointment went althought I'm not quite sure what is going on. Dr. T measured about 6 follies. 4 on the right and about 2 on the left. He changed my dosage of follistim from 250 down to 125 and then we are to add in the menopur and continue the lupron. I asked him about the amount of CM that I have because that was beginning to worry me. He told me that was normal due to the amount of estrogen that I was producing and not to worry. Our next appointment is on Tuesday. We will find out then if we are ready to trigger, or if I will need to stim longer. I hope I don't have to stim longer because I only have enough Menopur for five days, and Tuesday would be the last day.
My nurse then went over all the stuff we need to know about this cycle. I swear everytime I walk out of that office I end up with like 50 pages of information. First, I didn't know I had to take an enema! I am not exactly looking forward to that. Although, I would rather take the enema than the HCG injection. Then I have to douche twice. I didn't even know they still sold douches. I am "lucky" enough to not have to do the PIO injections. I don't think I could have given myself an injection in the ass everynight and since Mr. P will be leaving to go to AT in March, if this works then that's what I would have been left to do.
Speaking of Mr. P, I just found out today that he will be gone for so long next month. I knew he had AT coming up, but I didn't realize that he would be leaving so soon. That sucks! That means if this cycle is a bust, I will have to deal with this all on my own. This is a very emotional process for me. I am excited, yet I am scared shitless. Not just the IVF not working scares me, but also of the HCG injection, and then also losing hope. I am trying to stay positive, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but it's hard. I am excited though, because this could finally be it! In one week, we will know how many eggs we have and when we are going to transfer them.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm beginning to Freak Out!

I am really beginning to freak out about this cycle. I know that I shouldn’t be, but I am. I have spent all morning researching the 2008 SART stats and that has not been good for me. In fact nothing I’ve been doing has been good for me. I am obsessed with this IVF cycle, but it has got to be to a point that is unhealthily. All day I am reviewing what my RE is doing versus what other people I read about on the internet are doing with their RE. I am freaking out that I am going to have a lead follie like I did for my last IUI and that is going to ruin the whole cycle. I am worried that I’m not on enough medication. I am freaking out about everything, but in reality, I don’t know enough to be freaking out so much.
I have felt some sort of “pain” in my left ovary which makes me feel like I have the lead follie.  Because of what happened with my last IUI, I feel that is the concern that I have that is valid. I can’t wait for Friday to get here so that my fears can be calmed by the ultrasound. Although, I am not really sure that my fears will be calmed, so I’m freaking out even more. This is so stupid.
I know why I’m freaking out so much. I’m freaking out because I finally feel like I have a chance to become pregnant with our first child. This cycle will give us the best odds that we have ever had at becoming parents, but it’s not guaranteed. If this doesn’t work, then a part of me is going to wonder if anything will ever work, and I will start to feel as if all hope is lost. Honestly, I almost lose my breath thinking of that option. It scares me that much.  Right now I feel like I still have hope and that there is still a chance, but I feel that if this doesn’t work, then what. I am afraid that I will lose all hope.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

WOW, I'm a bad blogger!

But I have what I consider to be a good excuse.
Friday the 21st I got a call from my RE’s nurse that some of my blood work had come back unusual. They wanted me to repeat my blood work and schedule a follow-up with a GI doctor. I was told that they weren’t worried about anything and that I could still go on with our cycle, or I could postpone it. I choose to post pone. For, one week until my follow up blood work came back, I was freaking myself out that there was something wrong with me. Well, my results came back and everything was fine. I was worried for nothing.
So, we decided to go back on our schedule for the IVF, only I had stopped taking the Lupron. I was still taking the birth control pills however. So I restarted my Lupron and got the new schedule for my IVF. So where do you think my mind went? That’s right, crazy! I have now convinced myself that I have messed up this cycle because of starting and stopping the Lupron and because my dates have had to change. I go in for an ultrasound tomorrow and I hope that the ultrasound will calm my fears.
I think another reason that I’m worried, is because I can’t remember what my calendar for this cycle even looks like. I have no idea when I’m going to start my stims, or what I’ll be stimming on when. I’m also irrationally worried because I don’t seem to be on as many meds as so many other women who go through IVF.
Finally worry, Mr. P seems a little too excited to be giving me shots.

So, how has my IVF cycle been so far? So far so good. I started my BCP’s on the 15th of January and stopped them on February 4th. I spotted the entire time.
I started Lupron for the 2nd time on February 1st, and haven’t had any side effects so far. I’ve heard many women say that they have had hot flashes and I could only wish. I have been freezing! I can’t really contribute that to the Lupron however, because well, it’s the middle of winter.

Okay, reading this, I really didn’t have a good excuse; I’m just a bad blogger.