I am really beginning to freak out about this cycle. I know that I shouldn’t be, but I am. I have spent all morning researching the 2008 SART stats and that has not been good for me. In fact nothing I’ve been doing has been good for me. I am obsessed with this IVF cycle, but it has got to be to a point that is unhealthily. All day I am reviewing what my RE is doing versus what other people I read about on the internet are doing with their RE. I am freaking out that I am going to have a lead follie like I did for my last IUI and that is going to ruin the whole cycle. I am worried that I’m not on enough medication. I am freaking out about everything, but in reality, I don’t know enough to be freaking out so much.
I have felt some sort of “pain” in my left ovary which makes me feel like I have the lead follie. Because of what happened with my last IUI, I feel that is the concern that I have that is valid. I can’t wait for Friday to get here so that my fears can be calmed by the ultrasound. Although, I am not really sure that my fears will be calmed, so I’m freaking out even more. This is so stupid.
I know why I’m freaking out so much. I’m freaking out because I finally feel like I have a chance to become pregnant with our first child. This cycle will give us the best odds that we have ever had at becoming parents, but it’s not guaranteed. If this doesn’t work, then a part of me is going to wonder if anything will ever work, and I will start to feel as if all hope is lost. Honestly, I almost lose my breath thinking of that option. It scares me that much. Right now I feel like I still have hope and that there is still a chance, but I feel that if this doesn’t work, then what. I am afraid that I will lose all hope.
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