Am I Being Greedy?

This is what I am starting to wonder. When we were TTC LC I remember praying so hard to just have one baby and saying that I just wanted one baby and that I would be grateful to just have one child. Well here I am with an adorable, charming, vivacious 14 month old who is truly the light of my life, and I want another child. Am I being greedy? Did I use up all of my prayers to get him? Am I being held to what I asked for and do I just need to learn to be thankful that even have a child when so many don’t? I am really struggling with having another CP. In fact I am trying so hard to disassociate myself from this pregnancy because I think I feel like it won’t be real then.

I am just having such a hard time trying to understand how this is happening to me again. Like what did I do wrong to have to go through this? Why am I being punished? Is this Karma from earlier in my life? I just can’t believe that is happening to me again. I just really don’t understand why I would be allowed to get my hopes up so high to just have them crushed just a few days later. This sucks!

I am just so messed up right now! I don’t know how to take this all. Before LC I couldn’t get pregnant at all. Now I appear able to get pregnant but I can’t stay that way. Do I have a new IF issue now, or is this really just bad luck? Should I be going back to my RE or should I stick to my OB/GYN? I am so flipping confused! Not to mention that I am scared. I am scared to death of TTC again because I don’t want to go through this again. However, I still want another baby.

I read a post somewhere, that IF had taken all the fun out of getting pregnant and now having a miscarriage has taken a lot of the excitement out of finding out your pregnant. I don’t know if it was on someone’s blog, or if I saw it on a message board, but I 100% agree with that statement.