79

That is what my beta came back at yesterday. In a sad way I am relieved. My body is doing what it is supposed to be doing. I have to go back in a week to get it tested again. My parents are coming into town for LC birthday and will be here next week. My parents live pretty far away from me and all my sisters so at the beginning of last cycle I thought it would be neat that if I got pregnant I would be just about 8 weeks when they came to visit. That meant that they might be able to go to my appointment with me and see their grandbaby on the ultrasound. This would have been especially meaningful to my mom (in my opinion) because they didn't do that when she was pregnant with us. Well, now they can come to the doctors with me, but the appointment will be a lot less exciting and we will only find out that I'm not pregnant anymore.
My doctor wants us to use protection for the next two months. I think that is insane, but I'm emotionally not ready to get pregnant again so I guess its okay. I know that right now is not the time for us to get pregnant but it doesn't make that strong desire that I have go away. I seriously don't understand it, but I have the strongest desire to have a healthy pregnancy. I don't know why that is. Personally I think a lot of it has to do with me feeling that my getting pregnant so quickly this time was a fluke. We tried for so long to get pregnant on our own before we were blessed with LC for it to have happened so quickly was crazy. Part of me feels like I have to know this wasn't a fluke and that somehow amazingly I have been cured of my infertility. But does that happen? Or was LC the fluke? What if I have pretty crappy eggs and LC really was the fluke? I don't know. I guess I will continue to take the royal jelly and hope that in this summer I am able to get pregnant again with our final take home baby.