I tested this morning with at EPT digital. I was way to scared to read the results so I made Mr. P go in and read them. Actually, that is what I've done the past three months that I have even taken a HPT. Well, what do you know, it was negative. I can't believe this. I really can't believe that this cycle failed. We are just shocked and confused. I don't know what we could do any different next time to have a better outcome.
I know this is going to sound stupid, but while I am crushed, I had a feeling that this would be our outcome. I don't know why, but I always thought that this would take 2-3 times to work for us. I don't know why. I prayed that it would work on the first time, but I have always had a feeling that it would take us at least two trys.
We have no idea when we will try again. or how we will try again. By how, I am referring to another fresh IVF cycle complete with the follicle stimulating drugs, enema, and douching, or a frozen cycle where they thaw one or two of our five frozen blastocysts. I guess that will depend mostly on what the doctor suggests, but I personally am leaning towards a fresh cycle. I hate taking the drugs, I hate the eneman, and I have having to inject myself, but I am somewhat convinced that we have better odds with a fresch transfer. I don't know why.
By when we we will try again I am referring to me not knowing my RE's protocol for a second IVF cycle. I remember him saying before that he wanted us to wait a cycle after a failed IVF cycle so I am assuming that once I get my period in March we would wait for my normal cycle to start again in April, and then in April I could start IVF number 2. I could be wrong though because for some reason I am thinking that I have to wait till May. I don't know. I prefer that we can cycle again with BCP's starting on CD3 of the period I get in April.
I guess when we try again will depend a lot on our tax return too! IVF is so expensive. We have about 50% coverage and we still ended up paying almost $7000 out of pocket for this cycle. At our clinic Frozen Embryo Transfers (FET) run about $3000 (supposedly) so it would definitely be a lot cheaper to do the FET than another fresh cycle. Not to mention that the FET would be a lot less taxing on my body. I am curious what the real cost of the frozen cycle is. I swear everytime I think I know what the cost of my IVF cycle is going to be, I get a bill for something else!
I guess we will wait to see what the doctor says though before we really make up our minds.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
4dp5dt
So today I am 4dp5dt and I am trying to be hopeful, but I am so scared. I can say that this progesterone is killing me and that if this cycle fails, I will not look forward to taking it again.
I don't really have any "symptoms". I have been cramping on and off, but I have really been doing that since my ER. The only difference right now between this cycle and any other cycle where I am 9DPO, is that my face has broken out like a pubescent teenager. That I am not excited about. Unfortunately, I can't even blame that on the progesterone as my face has been like this since I started stims. I just noticed yesterday that it has started to get worse.
Really, the only thing that bothers me about the progesterone is what it leaves behind. This stuff is disgusting! I would still rather do the Crino.ne instead of the injections, but it is gross!
Even though it is early, I really wanted to test today. Mr. P asked me not to, so I won't. We agreed on the day of the transfer that we would test on Wednesday, so that is what we will stick to. It is killing me though. I want so bad for this to be the cycle that I finally get pregnant. It is just so hard to continue to try when you have had nothing but failure. Really, No matter what we have done it has not been successful and it feels like this will never be real for us.
I don't really have any "symptoms". I have been cramping on and off, but I have really been doing that since my ER. The only difference right now between this cycle and any other cycle where I am 9DPO, is that my face has broken out like a pubescent teenager. That I am not excited about. Unfortunately, I can't even blame that on the progesterone as my face has been like this since I started stims. I just noticed yesterday that it has started to get worse.
Really, the only thing that bothers me about the progesterone is what it leaves behind. This stuff is disgusting! I would still rather do the Crino.ne instead of the injections, but it is gross!
Even though it is early, I really wanted to test today. Mr. P asked me not to, so I won't. We agreed on the day of the transfer that we would test on Wednesday, so that is what we will stick to. It is killing me though. I want so bad for this to be the cycle that I finally get pregnant. It is just so hard to continue to try when you have had nothing but failure. Really, No matter what we have done it has not been successful and it feels like this will never be real for us.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Had Egg Transfer Today
So I had my egg transfer today and I while I was so nervous before it, everthing went really well. I'm afraid to type that because if things don't work out I don't know how they could possibly be any better the next time around. I guess there is always room for improvement, but I was pretty pleased.
The day started out way too early for me. I went in at 6 am so that I would only mss 3 hours of work and not 5. Once I was at work I tried everything I could do to keep my mind off of the transfer but that was really hard to do with the current "freeze" that is going on in our office that has stalled our work.
So Mr. P showed up around 11:30 and we were off to the IVF center. As soon as I got in the car he reminded me to take my valium which actually reminded me that I wasn't drinking enough water. I was supposed to void my bladder at 10:30 and then start drinking water. Well I voided at 10:15 and 10:45 and forgot to start drinking water. As soon as we got to the center I told the ladies that I needed to start drinking more water.
The nurse came and got us immediately and took us back to the same room we were in prior to and after my egg retrieval. Immediately they did an ultrasound to see how full my bladder was. Well, big surprise, it wasn't that full. I was given another 20 oz's of water and drank it while I waited for Dr. T. to come in. For some reason about 5 min after I guzzled that water, I had to pee so bad!
Dr. T was supposed to be in at 12:30 to start the procedure. I finished drinking the water at about 12:20. Dr. T didn't get there till about 12:50. He came in and confirmed that we wanted to transfer two blastocysts. I asked him what they were graded and he answered that they were both 4AB. He then also informed us that we had 2 more the lab was going to freeze today, and 4 that were still growing that might be frozen tomorrow. We were thrilled! All 8 of our embryo's were still doing well on day 5.
The transfer went pretty quick and painless.Dr. T appeared to be getting annoyed with the ultrasound tech though. Mr. P said that twice he grabbed the wand from her to position it where he wanted it. I heard him tell the embrologist (sp) to hold something, but I couldn't see what was going on. Mr. P said he was handing the cathether to the embriologist so that he could snatch the wand. I think the hardest part was having to hold my bladder that long. I really had to pee. I asked the nurses if anyone had ever peed on the doctor before and she said that some had been pretty close. I thnk I was in that category. The only gross thing about the transfer was the Crinone build-up that I didn't know I had till this morning. Dr. T had to clean it out before the transfer and that grossed me out!
Once the transfer was done we just had to wait for 30 min. before we could leave. Unfortunately, I did have to use the bed pan. Honestly, I didn't want to, but I had to go so bad that it wasn't an option to not use it. So, for the most part things went really well. I have my blood pregnancy test on the 14th and I feel like that is an eternity away.
The day started out way too early for me. I went in at 6 am so that I would only mss 3 hours of work and not 5. Once I was at work I tried everything I could do to keep my mind off of the transfer but that was really hard to do with the current "freeze" that is going on in our office that has stalled our work.
So Mr. P showed up around 11:30 and we were off to the IVF center. As soon as I got in the car he reminded me to take my valium which actually reminded me that I wasn't drinking enough water. I was supposed to void my bladder at 10:30 and then start drinking water. Well I voided at 10:15 and 10:45 and forgot to start drinking water. As soon as we got to the center I told the ladies that I needed to start drinking more water.
The nurse came and got us immediately and took us back to the same room we were in prior to and after my egg retrieval. Immediately they did an ultrasound to see how full my bladder was. Well, big surprise, it wasn't that full. I was given another 20 oz's of water and drank it while I waited for Dr. T. to come in. For some reason about 5 min after I guzzled that water, I had to pee so bad!
Dr. T was supposed to be in at 12:30 to start the procedure. I finished drinking the water at about 12:20. Dr. T didn't get there till about 12:50. He came in and confirmed that we wanted to transfer two blastocysts. I asked him what they were graded and he answered that they were both 4AB. He then also informed us that we had 2 more the lab was going to freeze today, and 4 that were still growing that might be frozen tomorrow. We were thrilled! All 8 of our embryo's were still doing well on day 5.
The transfer went pretty quick and painless.Dr. T appeared to be getting annoyed with the ultrasound tech though. Mr. P said that twice he grabbed the wand from her to position it where he wanted it. I heard him tell the embrologist (sp) to hold something, but I couldn't see what was going on. Mr. P said he was handing the cathether to the embriologist so that he could snatch the wand. I think the hardest part was having to hold my bladder that long. I really had to pee. I asked the nurses if anyone had ever peed on the doctor before and she said that some had been pretty close. I thnk I was in that category. The only gross thing about the transfer was the Crinone build-up that I didn't know I had till this morning. Dr. T had to clean it out before the transfer and that grossed me out!
Once the transfer was done we just had to wait for 30 min. before we could leave. Unfortunately, I did have to use the bed pan. Honestly, I didn't want to, but I had to go so bad that it wasn't an option to not use it. So, for the most part things went really well. I have my blood pregnancy test on the 14th and I feel like that is an eternity away.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Transfer Tomorrow
I have my egg tansfer tomorrow and to say that I am scared would be an understatement. I am scared shitless. This cycle seemed to be taking forever when I was going through it, but now that it is almost over it feels as though it has flown by. I can't believe that it is almost over.
Obviously I finally got a call about our fertilization. After Mr. P and I both left messages with the clinic answering machine on Saturday, I finally got a call around 10 pm that said that of my 17 eggs only 8 had fertilized. Dr. T felt that was pretty good, but I was a bit skeptical of a 50% fert rate. He told me that I would hear from them on Monday to determine whether or not a 3 day transfer would be done.
Monday morning I got to work at 6 am so that if I had to do the transfer in the afternoon I could at least get a few hours of work in.
Around 9 they called and let me know that all 8 were doing well and that they were going to push out my transfer to a 5 day transfer. You would think that I would have been relieved by this since all weekend I prayed for a 5 day transfer, but it has actually stressed me out even more. I am so scared that tomorrow morning I am going to get a call saying that all of my embies didn't make it and that I have nothing left to transfer. I am so scared. This whole process is so scary and nerve wrecking and I honestly don't know if I could do this again. I am just praying that everything works. I really hope that God answers our prayers and allows us to start our family.
Obviously I finally got a call about our fertilization. After Mr. P and I both left messages with the clinic answering machine on Saturday, I finally got a call around 10 pm that said that of my 17 eggs only 8 had fertilized. Dr. T felt that was pretty good, but I was a bit skeptical of a 50% fert rate. He told me that I would hear from them on Monday to determine whether or not a 3 day transfer would be done.
Monday morning I got to work at 6 am so that if I had to do the transfer in the afternoon I could at least get a few hours of work in.
Around 9 they called and let me know that all 8 were doing well and that they were going to push out my transfer to a 5 day transfer. You would think that I would have been relieved by this since all weekend I prayed for a 5 day transfer, but it has actually stressed me out even more. I am so scared that tomorrow morning I am going to get a call saying that all of my embies didn't make it and that I have nothing left to transfer. I am so scared. This whole process is so scary and nerve wrecking and I honestly don't know if I could do this again. I am just praying that everything works. I really hope that God answers our prayers and allows us to start our family.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Waiting...
It is 3:22pm and I am still waiting on our Fert Report. I honestly think I am about to lose my shit! I do not understand what the fuck is taking so long. Of course my mind goes straight to negativeville and I'm sure that there is something wrong and that is why we haven't been called. That the clinic has the wrong number so they can't get a hold of us. Something! There must be something wrong because there is no way that it would take this long to call us and give us our report. Seriously!! Why haven't they called yet? Seriously, what if they have the wrong number and I don't hear from them tomorrow and then I find out on Monday that we have to do a 3 day transfer? I won't have any time to get things taken care of for being off work, I wouldn't even know till around 9 am because that's when there office opens and that would be the first time I could call them. Seriously, I am freaking out here. If this was a week day, we are instructed to call by 10 am if we haven't heard. So, why is it because it's Saturday that I have to wait till the end of the day to hear something. UGH!! I am so frustrated.
Friday, February 25, 2011
We had our Egg Retrieval Today
We had our egg retrieval! It was a lot different than I expeted it would be, in fact, the last two days were a lot different than I expected them to be. Wednesday night Mr. P gave me my HCG injection. To say that I was nervous about him injecting me would be an understatement. First, I am afraid of needles and the HCG injection needle is a big one. Second, the one time that Mr. P did an injection on me, it appeared that he was trying to jab the needle in. It scared me! So, after my US on Wednesday, I had the nurse mark the injection site, at 8:30 we watched the injection video three times, and aroud 9:10pm I sat on an ice pack. at 9:15 Mr. P did the injection, and I couldn't feel a thing. When I could see him pushing in the plunger I asked him if the needle was all the way in and he said yes. That was shock number one.
Last night came shock number 2. Honestly, I can't really say that it came last night, but I think I was in denial about it prior to last night. When we first got our instructions about the retrieval it clearly stated that the night before the retrieval that I needed to have an enema, and that I had to douche. As long as I have read post on online message boards about IVF I had never heard of that part. Nobody once mentioned doing an enema or douching. In fact, I didn't even know they still made douches. I finally came to the determination that one of the RE's at the R.I.V.F.& A.C must have been shit on during a procedure and this was their solution to that problem.
So, last night we went to CVS to pick up the Fleet Enema and then to Target to get the douche. When we got home I had to brace myself for what was to come. Mr. P had me get ready and then he gave me the enema. Then, you have to stay in the position that it is injected in till you get the urge to go. As if getting the enema wasn't embarrassing enough, he decided to hang around and wait for it to work. REALLY!!
So, last night I spent about an hour in the "water room".
So the surprise today? That the egg retrieval was not near as bad as I thought it would be. This morning I was so uncomfortable and in quite a bit of pain. In fact, I've been really uncomfortable for the past three days. I started feeling ovary pain pretty bad Monday night that would come and go, but this morning there was no relief. I was in pain. We got to the center and everything went pretty smoothly. One embarrassing thing though is that I guess when I woke up from the procedure I asked if I could take Frankie home with me. Fra.nk S is our anathes. (i can't spell) and is like 60 years old. When I found out I said that, I was slightly embarrassed.
Overall all though the procedure went really well. They were able to get out 17 eggs and tomorrow we will find out how many were mature and how many fertilized. I am so nervous and scared all at the same time. This IVF has been crazy and I really don't want to do this again. Obviously we would, but I really don't want to. This has just been a crazy rollercoaster that I feel is just reaching the point where you go through all the thrills. We still have to wait for our fert report, find out what day our transfer is, find out what we are transferring, and do our two week wait. I am scared! Honestly, this year has been a whirlwind and I don't really know how much I can handle.
Last night came shock number 2. Honestly, I can't really say that it came last night, but I think I was in denial about it prior to last night. When we first got our instructions about the retrieval it clearly stated that the night before the retrieval that I needed to have an enema, and that I had to douche. As long as I have read post on online message boards about IVF I had never heard of that part. Nobody once mentioned doing an enema or douching. In fact, I didn't even know they still made douches. I finally came to the determination that one of the RE's at the R.I.V.F.& A.C must have been shit on during a procedure and this was their solution to that problem.
So, last night we went to CVS to pick up the Fleet Enema and then to Target to get the douche. When we got home I had to brace myself for what was to come. Mr. P had me get ready and then he gave me the enema. Then, you have to stay in the position that it is injected in till you get the urge to go. As if getting the enema wasn't embarrassing enough, he decided to hang around and wait for it to work. REALLY!!
So, last night I spent about an hour in the "water room".
So the surprise today? That the egg retrieval was not near as bad as I thought it would be. This morning I was so uncomfortable and in quite a bit of pain. In fact, I've been really uncomfortable for the past three days. I started feeling ovary pain pretty bad Monday night that would come and go, but this morning there was no relief. I was in pain. We got to the center and everything went pretty smoothly. One embarrassing thing though is that I guess when I woke up from the procedure I asked if I could take Frankie home with me. Fra.nk S is our anathes. (i can't spell) and is like 60 years old. When I found out I said that, I was slightly embarrassed.
Overall all though the procedure went really well. They were able to get out 17 eggs and tomorrow we will find out how many were mature and how many fertilized. I am so nervous and scared all at the same time. This IVF has been crazy and I really don't want to do this again. Obviously we would, but I really don't want to. This has just been a crazy rollercoaster that I feel is just reaching the point where you go through all the thrills. We still have to wait for our fert report, find out what day our transfer is, find out what we are transferring, and do our two week wait. I am scared! Honestly, this year has been a whirlwind and I don't really know how much I can handle.
Friday, February 18, 2011
First Monitoring Appt
I had my first monitoring appointment today. I was quite pleased with how the appointment went althought I'm not quite sure what is going on. Dr. T measured about 6 follies. 4 on the right and about 2 on the left. He changed my dosage of follistim from 250 down to 125 and then we are to add in the menopur and continue the lupron. I asked him about the amount of CM that I have because that was beginning to worry me. He told me that was normal due to the amount of estrogen that I was producing and not to worry. Our next appointment is on Tuesday. We will find out then if we are ready to trigger, or if I will need to stim longer. I hope I don't have to stim longer because I only have enough Menopur for five days, and Tuesday would be the last day.
My nurse then went over all the stuff we need to know about this cycle. I swear everytime I walk out of that office I end up with like 50 pages of information. First, I didn't know I had to take an enema! I am not exactly looking forward to that. Although, I would rather take the enema than the HCG injection. Then I have to douche twice. I didn't even know they still sold douches. I am "lucky" enough to not have to do the PIO injections. I don't think I could have given myself an injection in the ass everynight and since Mr. P will be leaving to go to AT in March, if this works then that's what I would have been left to do.
Speaking of Mr. P, I just found out today that he will be gone for so long next month. I knew he had AT coming up, but I didn't realize that he would be leaving so soon. That sucks! That means if this cycle is a bust, I will have to deal with this all on my own. This is a very emotional process for me. I am excited, yet I am scared shitless. Not just the IVF not working scares me, but also of the HCG injection, and then also losing hope. I am trying to stay positive, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but it's hard. I am excited though, because this could finally be it! In one week, we will know how many eggs we have and when we are going to transfer them.
My nurse then went over all the stuff we need to know about this cycle. I swear everytime I walk out of that office I end up with like 50 pages of information. First, I didn't know I had to take an enema! I am not exactly looking forward to that. Although, I would rather take the enema than the HCG injection. Then I have to douche twice. I didn't even know they still sold douches. I am "lucky" enough to not have to do the PIO injections. I don't think I could have given myself an injection in the ass everynight and since Mr. P will be leaving to go to AT in March, if this works then that's what I would have been left to do.
Speaking of Mr. P, I just found out today that he will be gone for so long next month. I knew he had AT coming up, but I didn't realize that he would be leaving so soon. That sucks! That means if this cycle is a bust, I will have to deal with this all on my own. This is a very emotional process for me. I am excited, yet I am scared shitless. Not just the IVF not working scares me, but also of the HCG injection, and then also losing hope. I am trying to stay positive, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but it's hard. I am excited though, because this could finally be it! In one week, we will know how many eggs we have and when we are going to transfer them.
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