I had my trial transfer today, and it was not at all what I was expecting. I had read several post on an Infertility Board that I frequent about how it was painful for some women and others didn't feel much at all. Since I hate getting a pap smear done I was sure that I was going to pass out when I had my trial transfer done. Mr. P had decided not to go with me to the trial transfer and I told him it was okay. Once I pulled up in the parking lot however I was cussing him and wondering why he wasn't there. That's how afraid I was of this appointment.
When I got into Dr. T's office I was told ushered right back to the room. We stopped on the way so that I could empty my bladder which immediately let me know that they don't do full bladder transfers at my clinic. I didn't think to ask if that meant that my transfer wouldn't be ultrasound guided. Now I wish I would have asked. I don't remember him using the ultrasound today, but, I was trying hard to concentrate on the magazine in my hand.
The trial really wasn't that bad. It hurt a lot less than any of the IUI's or Pap's I've ever had. Once he was done measuring my uterus, he looked at my ovaries. The appointment really only took about 20 min and then we were done.
After Dr. T was done I went to see the IVF nurse to go over my schedule. That was when I found out that my dates were being pushed up. I will only be on the BCP for 2 weeks and I will start the lupron on Tuesday. My ER is now tentatively scheduled for the 15th. The only good thing is that is a Saturday so it's one less day I'll have to miss work.
We did find out that we got our insurance approval. Now I'm just waiting to see how much they will cover of our meds. I have to call tomorrow if I don't hear from them so I'm sure that will be a fun conversation. I'll be sure to update tomorrow.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
And now we wait....
My period finally started on Thursday. Usually I get a day of spotting beforehand, but not this time. I woke up around 3 am to pee and had a lovely little surprise waiting for me when I wiped. I wasn't too upset. I expected it. Why would this month be any different? So I called the Dr.'s office when I got to work to let them know. Val went over our tentative timeline and told me what appointments to go ahead and schedule.
Tentatively this is our schedule:
January 15th: Start BCP
January 20th: Mock Transfer
January 31st: Start Lupron
February 10th: Start Stims
February 22nd: ER
February 25th-27th: ET
I think I might be missing a few things.
After she gave me the schedule, she transferred me up front to the insurance coordinator. Herein lies the problem. Mr. P didn't want to get his SA done last month. For some reason he wanted to wait till January to do it. I guess we misunderstood when he needed to have it done by and thought that he just needed it done prior to the ER. Well, we were both wrong. I found out on Thursday when I called that prior to approving our cycle, we have to have the SA results and my CD3 BW results. It takes a week to get the SA results! I was pissed. I did not want to start the BCP's if our insurance is going to deny our IVF and make us do another IUI. But, I didn't really have a choice. So, here we are waiting to see what our insurance company is going to decide.
Tentatively this is our schedule:
January 15th: Start BCP
January 20th: Mock Transfer
January 31st: Start Lupron
February 10th: Start Stims
February 22nd: ER
February 25th-27th: ET
I think I might be missing a few things.
After she gave me the schedule, she transferred me up front to the insurance coordinator. Herein lies the problem. Mr. P didn't want to get his SA done last month. For some reason he wanted to wait till January to do it. I guess we misunderstood when he needed to have it done by and thought that he just needed it done prior to the ER. Well, we were both wrong. I found out on Thursday when I called that prior to approving our cycle, we have to have the SA results and my CD3 BW results. It takes a week to get the SA results! I was pissed. I did not want to start the BCP's if our insurance is going to deny our IVF and make us do another IUI. But, I didn't really have a choice. So, here we are waiting to see what our insurance company is going to decide.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Money Matters
It kills me when Mr. P and I argue about money. I hate it. Mostly becauase so money matters lead to the demise of so many marriages and because we have such different views on money, we NEVER get anywhere. So here's what happened today. Back story - last August my cell phone stopped working. After I had my car accident in December Mr. P and I decided that I needed to get a new phone.
Last night Mr. P and I were going over our finances. We have recently had an increase in our monthly bills that we really weren't expecting. Mr. P's grace period on his student loans ran out so his payment went up from $28 a month, to $412! I NEVER thought it would go up that much, but I guess this is one that we should have been expecting. My co-pays for physical therapy are running us $280 a month, my co-pays for my RE and my ortho dr. is running us around $150 a month. Because we hadn't really planned for these expenses I determined that we needed to cut some areas on our budget like eating out and our month "free spend" money for a while. This didn't go over so well with Mr. P since he acts like eating out is his life!!
Fast forward to tonight. I was online when I noticed that verizon is about to release the new iphone 4. So in my excitement I scream for Mr. P to come in the room. I simply asked him to guess who was getting a new phone, and he replied "i'm not going to ruin your excitement by saying anything". I already knew what he was referring to, but I asked him to explain anyway. Of course, he doesn't see how me needing a phone and spending money on that is different from spending money on eating out. I get his point, I don't need an iphone, I just need a phone. But, it's time for our upgrade so we won't be paying full price, and we both determinded that I needed a phone prior to hearing that verizon was getting the iphone.
Honestly, I don't really care about the phone. If that's how he feels and if with our upgrade the iphone is still really expensive, I won't get it. This is what pissed me off. Every time that Mr. P talks about my spendoing, he brings up the fact that I bought a LV dog carrier 4 years ago! He goes on and on about how it was living beyond my means and tonight he used the term "reckless"! Really?? I don't understand that at all. When I bought it, I had just returned from a year long deployment to Iraq. I had $0 credit card debt. My car was paid off, and I could have paid off my student loans but wanted to keep paying on them for a longer credit history. Making the payment didn't put me behind on any of my monthly bills, I still put the same amount in my savings account that month as I always did, and I still paid my rent.
It really pisses me off that he brings it up. Especially when he says dumb shit like "think of where we could have been" when he hasn't contributed to our savings account at all in the last 4 years!! What the fuck gives him the right to say anything? I have built our savings account up from the ground and he hasn't contributed at all, yet he feels like he can talk shit about a purchase I made four years ago?? Really!!
Last night Mr. P and I were going over our finances. We have recently had an increase in our monthly bills that we really weren't expecting. Mr. P's grace period on his student loans ran out so his payment went up from $28 a month, to $412! I NEVER thought it would go up that much, but I guess this is one that we should have been expecting. My co-pays for physical therapy are running us $280 a month, my co-pays for my RE and my ortho dr. is running us around $150 a month. Because we hadn't really planned for these expenses I determined that we needed to cut some areas on our budget like eating out and our month "free spend" money for a while. This didn't go over so well with Mr. P since he acts like eating out is his life!!
Fast forward to tonight. I was online when I noticed that verizon is about to release the new iphone 4. So in my excitement I scream for Mr. P to come in the room. I simply asked him to guess who was getting a new phone, and he replied "i'm not going to ruin your excitement by saying anything". I already knew what he was referring to, but I asked him to explain anyway. Of course, he doesn't see how me needing a phone and spending money on that is different from spending money on eating out. I get his point, I don't need an iphone, I just need a phone. But, it's time for our upgrade so we won't be paying full price, and we both determinded that I needed a phone prior to hearing that verizon was getting the iphone.
Honestly, I don't really care about the phone. If that's how he feels and if with our upgrade the iphone is still really expensive, I won't get it. This is what pissed me off. Every time that Mr. P talks about my spendoing, he brings up the fact that I bought a LV dog carrier 4 years ago! He goes on and on about how it was living beyond my means and tonight he used the term "reckless"! Really?? I don't understand that at all. When I bought it, I had just returned from a year long deployment to Iraq. I had $0 credit card debt. My car was paid off, and I could have paid off my student loans but wanted to keep paying on them for a longer credit history. Making the payment didn't put me behind on any of my monthly bills, I still put the same amount in my savings account that month as I always did, and I still paid my rent.
It really pisses me off that he brings it up. Especially when he says dumb shit like "think of where we could have been" when he hasn't contributed to our savings account at all in the last 4 years!! What the fuck gives him the right to say anything? I have built our savings account up from the ground and he hasn't contributed at all, yet he feels like he can talk shit about a purchase I made four years ago?? Really!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Scared Shitless
I don't think there is another way to describe how I am feeling right now. Not only am I scared, but I am worrying myself so much thinking about the upcoming IVF cycle that I am making myself physically sick. I am just so terrified. What if this doesn't work? We are cleaning out our savings account to try to build our family and there is not guarentee that this will even work. IVF is our last chance at having a baby and I am terrified of it not working. I'm terrified of all the shot's I'll have to give myself or have Mr. P give me.
Mr. P is being so good about all of this. Part of me feels it's because all he really has to do during the IVF is make a deposit, and take a few pills. I have to have all the invasive procedures and tap dance around my work schedule and doctor appointments. I know that isn't fair to think that but I still do.
I really don't know why I'm being such a baby about this. When we agreed to do the IVF I knew what this was going to entail. I guess part of me just thought that we would get a "hail mary" BFP and that we wouldn't need the IVF. I know thats probably stupid but that's what I thought.
Mr. P is being so good about all of this. Part of me feels it's because all he really has to do during the IVF is make a deposit, and take a few pills. I have to have all the invasive procedures and tap dance around my work schedule and doctor appointments. I know that isn't fair to think that but I still do.
I really don't know why I'm being such a baby about this. When we agreed to do the IVF I knew what this was going to entail. I guess part of me just thought that we would get a "hail mary" BFP and that we wouldn't need the IVF. I know thats probably stupid but that's what I thought.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas
Today has been a wonderful day. My parents came into town Wednesday night and my sister, her husband and their daughter came in last night. Having them all here has been great. Today I spent the day cooking with my mom and sister and it was really nice to have a few minutes of "girl time". T said that we made quite the trio, prego (my sister (T), gimpy (me) and huffy (my mom). She said we all had our ailments but together we were a great team. This is the first time I have seen them in a while, and my niece has turned into quite the handful! She is a bundle of energy and is always moving. Not to mention that she is quite the drama queen. It's so cute!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Met with our RE today
We had our appointment with our RE today. Mr. P dropped me off then went to park. 15 minutes later he comes into the office. Apparently he got lost. WOW!! We actually didn't see Dr. R. today which shocked me because that is who we usually see and that is who I made the appointment with. I have seen Dr. T before, I just wasn't expecting to see him. Both Mr. P and I feel that he is a bit weird, but we also both agreed that he seemed pretty normal today. Well, I had a plan in my mind of what I wanted to happen when I went in to see Dr. R today. Obviously, my plan didn't start off well from the beginning as I didn't even see Dr. R. Dr. T looked over our chart and talked about our IUI's and the results of all of our work up test. He said that the only reason he could see that we weren't pregnant was due to the low morp, but he still didn't believe that the morp alone was poor enough to cause the problem.
He asked what we wanted to do and I told him that I really wanted to try one more IUI before we moved on and I explained why, because I'm afraid of IVF. He explained that he wasn't opposed to us doing another IUI, but told us that our chances would be about 15 - 20% with IUI, and 50% with IVF. He addressed all my concerns about IVF and went over the whole process. He answered all of our questions and then asked us again what we thought. This is where I about fainted. Mr. P, said that he felt that we should move on to IVF. I agreed. Dr. T, feeling that it is the most successful treatment also agreed, and that's where we are.
Our biggest obstacle now is making sure of the coverage that we have. I have spoken with our insurance and gotten approval for infertility treatment but I'm worried about the criteria we have to meet for IVF coverage. Our insurance wants us to do three IUI's before moving on to IVF and we have, we just did them with our old insurance. The insurance coordinator for their office is going to check into all of this and find out for us. I guess this could be a minor setback, but there is not point stressing over it now since we can't do anything about it.
We were going to start the BCP today, but our insurance said we needed to do CD3 BW so we have to wait till my next period starts. Surprisingly, Mr. P was a bit upset by this. I just don't understand how he can go from not feeling like we need help getting pregnant to feeling that we should not try IUI again and got to IVF so quickly. Really, I don't get it. So, this is our journey. I have told my sisters and my mom about what we are doing. I don't know how supportive they are, or what all I will tell them about our journey, but at least they know what I will be going through. I guess that's it for now.
He asked what we wanted to do and I told him that I really wanted to try one more IUI before we moved on and I explained why, because I'm afraid of IVF. He explained that he wasn't opposed to us doing another IUI, but told us that our chances would be about 15 - 20% with IUI, and 50% with IVF. He addressed all my concerns about IVF and went over the whole process. He answered all of our questions and then asked us again what we thought. This is where I about fainted. Mr. P, said that he felt that we should move on to IVF. I agreed. Dr. T, feeling that it is the most successful treatment also agreed, and that's where we are.
Our biggest obstacle now is making sure of the coverage that we have. I have spoken with our insurance and gotten approval for infertility treatment but I'm worried about the criteria we have to meet for IVF coverage. Our insurance wants us to do three IUI's before moving on to IVF and we have, we just did them with our old insurance. The insurance coordinator for their office is going to check into all of this and find out for us. I guess this could be a minor setback, but there is not point stressing over it now since we can't do anything about it.
We were going to start the BCP today, but our insurance said we needed to do CD3 BW so we have to wait till my next period starts. Surprisingly, Mr. P was a bit upset by this. I just don't understand how he can go from not feeling like we need help getting pregnant to feeling that we should not try IUI again and got to IVF so quickly. Really, I don't get it. So, this is our journey. I have told my sisters and my mom about what we are doing. I don't know how supportive they are, or what all I will tell them about our journey, but at least they know what I will be going through. I guess that's it for now.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Update
OMG I can't believe it is December already! Time has just been flying by. We really haven't had much change in our lives lately. We went to the Smokey Mountains for Thanksgiving with Mr.P's parents, his sister, her husband, and their son. We wented a cabin and to my surprise we had a great time. I actually caught a cold the Wednesday we left so I was sick the entire time and still had a pretty decent time. Saturday night we went to The Dixie Stampede at Dollywood to watch their Christmas special. It was a really neat experience and I am really glad that I went.
My leg is getting a lot better I started physical therapy the Wednesday we left for the Smokey Mountains also and I can almost put my left foot at a 90 degree angle. This morning I was able to put my foot down on the floor of the shower for the first time in two months. I still have to sit down to shower as I can't stand up yet, but to be able to put my foot down at all was a great feeling! It is at an angle, but at least it's progress.
Mr. P and I had a long talk about trying to conceive. We decided that we would go back to the RE if this cycle doesn't work. Since we switched insurance since the last time we were at the RE we had to get it preapproved again. I was really impressed at how quickly we got it approved, and a bit shocked also. When I called they really just asked me a few questions, and then said I was approved. I thought for sure they were going to make me submit some sort of proof but that wasn't the case.
I called yesterday to schedule our consultation to see where Dr. R wants us to start. When I initially called I talked to the nurse and she wanted to go over our chart with Dr. R before she scheduled our appointment. I have been excited to get back to treatment and nervous at the same time. Last year when we did our last IUI Dr. R mentioned that if this, our third IUI didn't work, we might need to move on to IVF. The nurse called me back and the first thing she asked was if I had ever talked with Dr. R about IVF. My heart sank. With our new insurance we have IVF coverage, but we are to try less costly methods first, which are IUI. I really thought that we were going to be instructed to do three more IUI's before IVF was even on the table. I asked her if we were going to do any IUI's and she told me that they only suggested 3-4 IUI's max prior to moving on to IVF, then she reminded me as if I had forgotten, that I had already done three failed IUI's. She said that I could try another one, but that Dr. R would talk to me about that. I scheduled our consult for Dec 17th which would be after I could start treatment for an IUI if this current cycle failed. I am such a sissy. I am so afraid that he is going to suggest that we move on to IVF, that I intentionally delayed our consultation.
I talked to Mr. P about it and to my complete shock he was okay with everything. I can't tell if it's because he is still holding out hope that we will get pregnant on our own, or if he is just okay with going forward. Personally I think after spending Thanksgiving with his nephew he is just really ready to start a family and is okay with whatever we have to do. Honestly, I was kinda hoping he didn't want to go to IVF yet because I'm scared, but I will just have to accept it. It's not that don't want to do IVF, I'm just scared.
I know you can't live on "what if's", but what if IVF doesn't work. That is really our last chance and I don't know what I would do. To go through all of that and still not have a baby would crush me to pieces. I can't even think about it. So I guess we are really about to start this journey again.
My leg is getting a lot better I started physical therapy the Wednesday we left for the Smokey Mountains also and I can almost put my left foot at a 90 degree angle. This morning I was able to put my foot down on the floor of the shower for the first time in two months. I still have to sit down to shower as I can't stand up yet, but to be able to put my foot down at all was a great feeling! It is at an angle, but at least it's progress.
Mr. P and I had a long talk about trying to conceive. We decided that we would go back to the RE if this cycle doesn't work. Since we switched insurance since the last time we were at the RE we had to get it preapproved again. I was really impressed at how quickly we got it approved, and a bit shocked also. When I called they really just asked me a few questions, and then said I was approved. I thought for sure they were going to make me submit some sort of proof but that wasn't the case.
I called yesterday to schedule our consultation to see where Dr. R wants us to start. When I initially called I talked to the nurse and she wanted to go over our chart with Dr. R before she scheduled our appointment. I have been excited to get back to treatment and nervous at the same time. Last year when we did our last IUI Dr. R mentioned that if this, our third IUI didn't work, we might need to move on to IVF. The nurse called me back and the first thing she asked was if I had ever talked with Dr. R about IVF. My heart sank. With our new insurance we have IVF coverage, but we are to try less costly methods first, which are IUI. I really thought that we were going to be instructed to do three more IUI's before IVF was even on the table. I asked her if we were going to do any IUI's and she told me that they only suggested 3-4 IUI's max prior to moving on to IVF, then she reminded me as if I had forgotten, that I had already done three failed IUI's. She said that I could try another one, but that Dr. R would talk to me about that. I scheduled our consult for Dec 17th which would be after I could start treatment for an IUI if this current cycle failed. I am such a sissy. I am so afraid that he is going to suggest that we move on to IVF, that I intentionally delayed our consultation.
I talked to Mr. P about it and to my complete shock he was okay with everything. I can't tell if it's because he is still holding out hope that we will get pregnant on our own, or if he is just okay with going forward. Personally I think after spending Thanksgiving with his nephew he is just really ready to start a family and is okay with whatever we have to do. Honestly, I was kinda hoping he didn't want to go to IVF yet because I'm scared, but I will just have to accept it. It's not that don't want to do IVF, I'm just scared.
I know you can't live on "what if's", but what if IVF doesn't work. That is really our last chance and I don't know what I would do. To go through all of that and still not have a baby would crush me to pieces. I can't even think about it. So I guess we are really about to start this journey again.
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